so I feel like people didn’t care i could have been in danger and no one would have known as my phone died and then i went to where they were supposed to be and they had left and hadn’t tried very hard to tell me, especially when they knew where i was, even though i’m the one who left, i wish i had of gone back.

i kinda wanna be around certain people, there are just some people and i completely love their company, but i feel weird about it, like i don;t know if people would wanna be around me, but you make me happy.

some people don’t deserve the things that happen to them, it sucks.
On a different note, my friend thinks that being a virgin is exciting, as she has not been one for many years now she feels that it is great that i am, i hate it, its like a looming thing hovering over you and it just sucks. I would just wanna meet someone nice, heck i just wanna make friends i don’t even care if its nothing more! I’m a lonely lady.

I am worried about certain people because well, im no idiot and know more that i would let on. i can see some people need help, and basically its help that i can’t give them and so i would appreciate it if they saw to help themselves. people don’t hate others for who they are (well most times at least) its more that the things they do over time build up and these start to build a wall that stops the connections between people. this has happened and i don’t know if it can ever be fixed. but of course, its all our fault, right?

At some points in your life, you feel alone. It feels weird that over time you realise that you can be close to someone but in the ed you are gonna have to share them with someone else.  When this happens it sucks because all you wanna do is be with this person like normal. but when you see that everyone has their own life but yours is kinda swindling, then that’s when things start to suck. The people who want to hang with me, i am finding myself making excuses to not be around, what does that mean? does that mean that they’re no longer important and wanted by you? this is not what i feel but i feel that’s what is happening. I am alone yet im shutting those who are wanting to be with me out.
its not that i won’t wanna be with them, it more that i can’t let myself be with them. then when people are off being busy and stuff I actually have nobody. its funny you hear people say that but they don’t really mean it, well i mean it, i don’t have friends to do things with, i need more friends. i need less stress. i need someone to make me happy.

I hate watching people get hurt. this summer is full of hurt. feelings are hurt all the time, everyone wants to be wanted but some people make themselves unwanted. At least some of the time i feel wanted.  but change is drastically needed at some points in life, don’t people see that?
But anyway im sick of people hurting other people, what happened to people giving a shit about others and feelings, when did that go out of fashion?
knowing how people feel and not being able to change the things that are happening really sucks, but some people obviously don’t care as much as they say they do and only think with one part of their body, and that ain’t the brain!! I just can’t crush an others feelings. friends should actually mean something. Its interesting too how a friend can help you out, I’m hating to see that things may end while they’re going  good just because of the possibility that things may change, shouldn’t absence make the heart grow fonder? well it just sucks, finding things out from other people when honesty should have been a solid part of a relationship. I just don’t wanna see something good become lost because of a ‘maybe’.

I miss my friend rather dearly, i just can’t wait to hug her, i may even cry, just because i haven’t been able to share things with her and i actually never knew how much i would miss her and seeing her pretty face! so many things have changed in the short time since she left which is what she feared most, which makes me feel like a bad friend as i had rejected all her thoughts about what could happen, ad most of them did. So i can’t want to see another face instead of those that i have been.  just want everything to stop and people to focus on having a good time and being friends.

I wanna get to know you more, i could never really say this but i am very proud of you, its kinda silly really but im proud of what you did and basically i just want you to know that. if you were to ever need someone by your side i would gladly be there, open to any questions that you would want to ask and anything you would want to know. i would consider you to be a good male friend and i would just want to keep that and hope you like my company as much as i enjoy yours, i’ve always enjoyed it and would hope that you think the same and that im not weird, well weirder than i already am at least!

im sick of complaining about you, you have no idea how you have ruled our lives for the past year at least, wake up and smell the fucking roses because things aren’t rosy anymore! You think we’re all blind and can’t see what you’re doing and how you think and what is actually going on, but we do and we have known for too long now. so we are giving up. no only is it hard for you, its also hard for us, we have to let go but what else can we do you’re loosened our grip on what we all had with you so now things have fallen apart. and there is nothing else to do. its all up to you.

I could just keep going forever so i will stop now. my mind is a little clearer now and it feels good. Sleep will help even more im sure!